Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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