I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The best revenge is premature balding
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
