sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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