Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
