i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
