But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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