he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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