But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
