you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize