Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
