girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
