So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
