was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
