every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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