Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize