I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
