he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
