quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
