ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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