So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
