pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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