a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
