She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
