I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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