i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
