Someone shit on the floor
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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