He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish you could order shots online.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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