Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
