Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
