i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
