i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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