I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
