Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm really busy with my period
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