i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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