I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
