I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
