i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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