Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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