i will never coherently bang her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
