So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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