ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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