Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
