ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
