I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
