I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone came in the potted fern
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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