the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
