I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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