Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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