Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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