We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
handjob tips. give me some.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
