you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
