8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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