people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
