I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
