He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
