airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
