Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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