It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I touched a dick in church today
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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