Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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