hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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