Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems