I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....