my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
