Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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