The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
